S moking
C igarettes
A
R
S



I started smoking in the fall of 08. I had just found out that my girlfriend had slept with my brother. I was wrecked. Mind you, I was already emotionally unstable. But that was the last straw. I needed to do something. I was going to take the blade to myself again if I did not do SOMETHING else.

My sister and her (at the time) fiance, Michael, were heavy smokers. I took a handful of cash and walked up to Mike. "You will take me to buy something to smoke" I told him. I would have taken myself, but I had no license.

We drove down to an Irving. He paid the cashier for a cheap-ass cigar and handed it to me. We went to his friends house, and I took nicotine into my body for the first time.

A smoker will likely tell you that the greatest part of a cigar(ette) is that calm you get when the nicotine gets into you. As a smoker, I agree.

I'm not sure if it was the nicotine that was calming me or if it was the act of rebellion. Smoking that cigar was an act of rebellion because first of all, My controlling and emotionally abusive mother would punt me out the front door if she found that i was doing so. The second reason is that I worked at a church at the time. I had signed a morals clause. Apparently smoking is immoral. I don't believe so.

I went from smoking Game cigars from corner stores, to Swisher Sweets from smoke shops. The were great to sit and chill and not think about life with.

I smoked my first cigarette at Mike's friends house. It was a Djarum Black. I have loved them ever since. Smooth, and tasty. Nothing smokes better than a good clove.

A good friend recommended Newports, and as I had a gigantic crush on her, I tried them. They made me gag, but I loved it.

I had always heard of cigars had in celebration. "Itsaboys" are a good example.

I had never smoked out of celebration. I did the night that I told the Newport Girl that I liked her. I know its childish, but as often as I got hurt... It was a big step for me.

As I was saying, I smoked out of celebration that night. Scratch that. I CHAINsmoked out of celebration that night. I had four back to back, and I had never done that before.

After that, cigarettes became my thing and I stopped smoking swishers.

Now I smoke out of habit, and stress, and joy.

Smoking is just a part of me.
Cigarettes are a part of my greatest memories.

Memories such as telling a girl I like her
Driving  through the night with the windows rolled down in winter with a close friend.
Sharing one last cigarette with my girlfriend before I moved two thousand miles away.
Smoking a cigarette in front of my parents as I packed my bags to get out of their house for the last time.

You can tell me it's unhealthy. I'll reply with "I know"